It’s hard to believe that September has come again and reluctantly I’m looking forward to another cycle of badly replayed community events, hoping for promising surprises where I could least expect them (like in some Greek owned Irish pubs that have the guts to defy the anti-smoking ban).

I know, I’m supposed to start on a positive note, offer a few words of encouragement, even some good news fished here and there in the long and dull summer months; but not this time, ladies and gentlemen, because this ritual reminds me of my early school years, when angry and fearful we would come back to face our usually sex- and sleep- deprived teachers who were anxiously waiting to torment us for another nine months! It was each September that we had to write a composition describing how was our summer and we had to strive to come up with the kind of crap that would meet their expectations, like how many “serious” books we red, how many concerts of “serious” music we attended etc. Now, I grew up in a village, where the only and closest thing to a concert was the local saint’s festivities, lasting usually 2-3 days, when the gypsies would come in with their deafening clarinets – thanks to the old and broken amplifiers – their shining electric guitars and, of course, the dark-skinned singers in their hot red dresses! As for books, we would devour any translated American or Italian comics that other children who were coming from the capital or overseas to spend summer (and be tormented beyond reparation ) with us would bring.

That was our summer “cultural” life! Very interesting, fascinating indeed, despite the lack of many things that our modern “civilization” tends to be identified with, but our teachers would find all that unacceptable, barbaric, too village-scented and they’d respond with ferocity if any of us dared to write the truth. So, from an early age, we had to invent bullshit and offer it as reality, an art that we have come to master to a remarkable degree and we don’t need to go far for proof of that. Many, if not all, community undertakings, especially here, in the diaspora, have systematically rendered any relevance with what’s going on in the real world obsolete. Moreover, having completely twisted reality, we still aim high, but downwards. Anyway, I didn’t mean to offer sociology cues here. All I’m trying to say is that because I didn’t take vacation I’m kind of bitter and sour, so my message to the many community organization crooks this year is one and simple: Be careful, I’m loose and I will bite at first chance, without further warning!

So, I didn’t travel this summer, sparing an 11 day trip to Mother Russia, but it was for business mainly. Well at least that’s what it was supposed to be about; although I ended up spending most of my time at various St. Petersburg cafes, smoking cigars and having tea, pretending to be local. A beautiful experience never the less, as I had the chance to live the famous white nights, while the city’s center was flooded with thousands of university graduates dressed in impeccable white as well! They would drink and sing, dance, go on boats through the canals, cheering loudly, making the city - immensely beautiful as it is - look like a huge swan lake!

After that, I went for a couple of days to Moscow, which in terms of traffic, noise and dirt reminded me of Athens (sparing the demonstrations and the illegal African and Middle Eastern immigrants who have hijacked the city’s center). I visited the famous Red Square which looked kind of small in real life and had a cemetery feeling around it, as a big number of criminals (communist bosses) are buried there, on the side of the ugly and vomit inducing Lenin Mausoleum. Russia and Turkey are the only countries in the world, as far as I know, where the state still venerates mummies both of which happen to be killers of millions of people (Lenin and Ataturk in this case). Thank God, this notorious similarity ends here.

So, that was my little escape this summer, beautiful, interesting, but not enough (still better than nothing though). I’m looking forward to my next trip there, as I am part of a huge scheme aimed to bring Russians in the American-Greek affairs, for better or for worse! It’s a major plan which involves governments, secret services, former communists turned capitalists, former communists turned tinkering …theologians, mediocre photographers downgraded to …”archons”, men, women, gays (including but not restricted to bishops), lesbians, Lesbians (coming from the island of Lesbos, that is) pilots, tailors, singers, gypsies, black & white magic, astrology, Gaddafi, Castro, Gorbatsev and his pizza commercials, and a few other characters whom I’m embargoed to reveal. Stay tuned folks as the best has yet to come!!!!